Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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