Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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