so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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