My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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