I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
