Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
