i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
