ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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