started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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