so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
