WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
