Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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