No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
