While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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