That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
