you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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