LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
