I bet he comes in French.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
