I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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