Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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