12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize