I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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