We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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