I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
