If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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