Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
