I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
