So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
