she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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