Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
