Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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