I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
