Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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