now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
