I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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