i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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