DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
