He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
