You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
