dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
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