just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
