and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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