Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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