I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this will be a night to untag.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
