I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
