Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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