Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
