How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
