I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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