just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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