Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
