Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
