rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
