With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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